Deb Beroset: Navigating Self-Love, Soul Care, and Freedom from Sugar Addiction

What do life after sugar addiction and the art of self-love have in common? They both require a profound journey of transformation and self-discovery. This episode features an engaging conversation with Deb Beroset, a dynamic coach, shaman, and mentor specializing in empowering women to unearth their deepest desires and live them. As we navigate the intricate pathways of breaking free from addictive behaviors, Deb's insights shine a bright light on important aspects of self-care and soul care.

Deb and I dig deep into the restorative powers of soul care and basic self-care routines that can easily blend into our daily lives. We bring into focus the essence of mindful living, guiding listeners on how to channel their energy and frequency effectively. We also dive into practical steps towards self-love, guiding listeners on how to take control of their self-talk and shape it into a loving, compassionate internal dialogue.

Echoing our emphasis on self-care, we discuss the importance of recognizing the conditions that foster our growth and how to tap into such positive energy. We believe that self-care is an exquisite gift to oneself, not a mundane task. Deb's words are filled with the wisdom of learning to befriend ourselves, nurturing self-love, and making self-care a manageable part of our daily lives. Join us for this invigorating conversation and emerge with a fresh perspective on soul care, self-love, and a life free from sugar addiction.

"50 Ways to Be Your Lover: The Soul Care Inspo List" is a free multi-page resource with 50 ideas for how to practice soul care — which is self-care for the spirit.

You get instant access to the free download here:
https://www.itstimeformoxie.com/resources

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www.FlorenceChristophers.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Kick Sugar Coach podcast. Join me each week as I interview experts who will share the science of sugar, sugar addiction and different approaches to recovery. We hope to empower you with the information and inspiration, insights and strategies you need to break up with sugar and fall in love with healthy, whole foods so you can prevent and reverse chronic disease, lose weight, boost your mood and energy. Feel free to go to my website for details on my coaching programs and to access free resources kicksugarcoachcom. Hello everybody, welcome to the Kick Sugar Coach podcast. I'm Florence, your host, and I'm here today with Deb Barrowset.

Speaker 1: 0:48

Now, when you think about sugar, the harms of sugar, the science of sugar, sugar addiction and sugar addiction recovery, you often just think about the first phase of the journey, the unhooking phase, the getting abstinent phase, where you put your addiction into remission, and for many people we can get stuck there for decades. But there's a whole other part of recovery that comes after You've got some traction. You're getting some days and weeks and maybe even months under your belt of just being a whole food woman or whole food man, and then we begin the second phase of the journey, which is the recovery part, and that's where we start to look at things like self-care and soul care and life skills and what is life like after sugar. So today that's Deb's thing. She's all about phase two of the recovery journey. So even if you're still struggling to get sugar free and stay sugar free, that's OK.

Speaker 1: 1:47

Today's interview is going to give you a glimpse. You know it's up ahead and around the corner a little bit, but it's going to give you a glimpse of where you're headed, life after sugar and some of the work you get to do and will do and the kind of transformation that you can look forward to. So welcome Deb. Oh sorry, oh, thank you. Yeah, I was just to give you.

Speaker 1: 2:06

I need more of a bio for Deb. Let me just give you a little more. So Deb describes herself as a creative muse, a coach, a shaman and a mentor of delight who specializes in supporting women in journeying to the center of what they truly want, putting their dreams into motion and living a full tilt, boogie life. She has all very interesting websites, full of life, in color and like it's just an invitation to live larger, more outside of the cocoon, of Anise Nin's little cocoon. Right that there came a time when we needed to bloom, and that's exactly the feeling I get from Deb's website, and in there you will see many workshops, services, one-on-one, a moxie club like there is just so many offers. It's a buffet of options, so welcome.

Speaker 2: 3:00

Deb. Thank you, oh my gosh, what a fun introduction, the best ever.

Speaker 1: 3:06

Thanks, you're welcome. So let's start by talking a bit about how you came to be so passionate about women in self-care and soul care, and what does that even mean?

Speaker 2: 3:18

Wow, Well, I came to be so passionate about it because I so needed it myself. I was a bit of a type A kind of naturally go go, go drive, drive, drive, grind, grind, grind. And I was in the corporate world for quite a long time. I had a very high responsibility, high stress job and just realized I'm quote succeeding at my job and I felt like I was failing my life in some ways and I realized I needed to make a change. I was, I think, what? 56 at the time and I just thought if not now, when? Like when are you going to claim your life for what you want, what's important to you? Not that that wasn't important, but it just felt like there was something else wanting to get expressed that I kept putting off, putting off, putting off.

Speaker 2: 4:29

And so that's when I started my own business, called it Moxie, wasn't even quite sure what that was going to be, but you know, basically, florence, I allowed my curiosity and I just noticed where do I come alive the most? You know what kind of stuff am I engaged with, what really, and you know gets my neurons zingy-zing? And I just kept following those breadcrumbs and it just became very clear that what really floats my boat is transformational work. I'm all about the human spirit set free, and so all these different passions of mine, like neuroscience and something I call aesthetic shamanism and all kinds of personal development modalities, plus my interest in creativity and innovation and my career experience with that, I just was able to come bring something together that for me feels like a really natural expression of what I'm here to contribute. How?

Speaker 1: 5:50

about that. Yeah, it's awesome. It's awesome. It's like you took all your strengths and all these skills that you've been learning through you know, sort of a more traditional corporate career, and then you just moved them into another era of your life that was new to you, even Like, what does it mean to explore and to even reflect on? Where do I come alive? And then, yeah, 30 years ish, I'm guessing of professional experience and you just unleashed it in this new area.

Speaker 2: 6:20

Yes, unleashed is a very good word. By the way, that whole thing about moving toward what makes you come alive was actually Rumi's idea, not mine, but you know I just credit where credit is due. It's an awesome concept and a central tenet of all the things that we're doing in Moxie world. Basically Got it.

Speaker 1: 6:44

So once women and men, you know have space and some bandwidth in their life, because they're no longer sucked into food obsession and weight obsession and health crisis is that just keep escalating because they can't seem to get unhooked from sugar and flour and sweeteners and alcohol and all those ultra processed forms of carbohydrate, they have all of a sudden a bit more space and resilience and maybe even energy. And now the question becomes okay, well, where do I come alive? When I think about, like, even if I go into my own body and I think about that, I know where I come alive and I just can't seem to terrify me because I think that's all I would want to do, it's all I would want to do. And then I think it feels overwhelming to me and I can almost feel a bit of a collapse happen, because I think, oh, I would drop balls and I would stop being responsible, like all I want to do is write deaf. I'm, I'm. I just want to write books, I just want to create content.

Speaker 1: 7:42

Oh oh, it's nice, it sneaks into little places, but it can't take up my whole day. And so how do you? You tell us, how do we, where do we begin if we're going to ask questions?

Speaker 2: 7:53

God, what a great, great question. And now I'm so committed to you writing after. I mean, you know, one of the things you want to pay attention to is, like, when we're talking about something we're so passionate about, we literally come alive. And you were just like leaping off my zoom screen just now talking about being a writer. So clearly this is something that wants to happen.

Speaker 2: 8:18

So a great place to begin is by recognizing that any time there's a new possibility coming in and tapping us on the shoulder and saying come on, come on, come with me, what happens is our brains are wired for survival. Our brains do not give one little whiz about our happiness, our fulfillment, our joy, any of that. It's all about keep her alive, keep her alive, keep her alive. And how it does that is it keeps us in that little cocoon or it tries right. But you know, here's the thing when we, when we know that that's the case, when I know I got a brain and it's wired like other humans brains where it is risk averse, survival, pro security, any change is turned into fear by our brains. So when we know that, like when we know that if, for example, I was someone who was passionate about writing, but had not actually taken the plunge and said yes, by God, this is the moment I'm starting now.

Speaker 2: 9:37

Well, you might say that's a little step, but the first step is the one with the most trepidation attached to it, because it represents moving from the safety of the status quo into some new territory. Now, mind you, it might be fabulous new territory. It might be new territory that has you think, at last, this is what I'm here for. You know, it might be that kind of great Disneyland of your dreams, kind of new territory. But your brain is going to say, yeah, but we don't know that, you can't guarantee that, you can't be sure of that, and so it slams on the brakes.

Speaker 2: 10:22

So what use is that? I mean, if we know that it's like driving a car, when you know it pulls to the right, you just compensate a little bit and keep it on the straight and narrow. Same thing with our brains as the driver, not always in control, but as the driver right, when I notice, oh, I want to pump the brakes or slam on the brakes at even the prospect of trying something new, I can remind myself, oh well, that was to be expected, that's the predictable response. So now that you know that you can let your little self calm down and look and see, okay, well, what really speaks to me? And then you can, having acknowledged the fear we're not invalidating it, it's valid. But having acknowledged it, it's like you've given that energy the space to get expressed so it doesn't have to keep saying, hey, but you didn't listen, you didn't hear me. So when we acknowledge it, it can kind of dissipate and it leaves room for the possibility. That's hopefully strong enough to beckon us into that first step. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:46

And you know what? I can literally apply that to the first step of deciding to unhook from processed junk foods and to fall in love with whole foods. It is as terrifying as any other subsequent steps, right Like that fear of oh my gosh, can I survive, Can I handle life? Well, I feel like I'm missing out forever, that terribly painful feeling of deprivation when I'm socializing and everyone else gets to eat fun foods and I'm the one eating carrot sticks, and all of that terror stops us. And it's so interesting that it's the same process, except once we move through that move through that terror and discover, oh, actually, this is better. I've lived, I've done this long enough to know that I prefer life as a whole food woman. And then the next thing is gonna come up. All right, well, let me think about what a other areas of my life that I wanna up level, and that same experience of being terrified, the brain freaking out saying, stay safe, don't move. Yeah, we'll happen all over again.

Speaker 2: 12:58

Yeah, but I mean, it's so true what you said about how it's not like a one and done thing, like every time we go into something new. It's like that. But the cool thing is that over time we can expand our capacity for the right kinds of discomfort, so it becomes evident to us the longer we live, the more we've tried new things and survived, the more we can tell ourselves oh, I see, I see how this works. Like when I muster the courage to trust in the possibility of a positive outcome, even though I might not have any evidence for that or even might have evidence to the contrary. But when I trust that that's actually possible and take some step in accordance with that, life tends to turn out pretty well.

Speaker 2: 13:57

Wow right, it does.

Speaker 1: 13:59

It makes sense to me again. So I'm gonna translate it into people who might still be in sort of phase one of this, where sometimes clients will hop on Zoom with me or potential clients. They're just kind of checking out their options and I will ask them a few questions and I'm trying to figure out are they doing this? Are they trying to move forward with getting sugar-free, because they feel like this would be a good thing? They're kind of jacked up and they're sort of passionate, excited, or they've read some science or they've heard some summits and read some books and they're like I think it would be wise and prudent and good, sure-footed to eliminate, if not significantly reduce, if not eliminate, my consumption of sugar. And I'm looking for help for that and I think, wow, neither of them are ready yet. They're not.

Speaker 1: 14:53

There is a whole other level. It is like it is a pull, it is a calling, it is an inner knowing and it is never gonna go away Like that. Once that's been ignited, you're hooked Cause it will just. You will never end your day in peace as long as you're continuing to eat sugar, cause some part of you is awakened, just said this is our next level, let's get to it, right Is?

Speaker 2: 15:16

that. Yeah, it's like you can't unsee it, right, yeah, right.

Speaker 1: 15:21

Yeah, you can't unhear that calling.

Speaker 2: 15:24

Yeah, yeah, once you've heard it, once you've seen that possibility, you can no longer. Your soul knows, your soul knows, you know, right, yeah, yeah, that's really great, and you know, you know, and when it's deep in your bones, you've got no choice.

Speaker 1: 15:43

You just when you're ready, you step on the path and find the resources and the approaches that support you. So let's talk a bit about self-care before we even get to soul care, because I think self-care comes before soul care. What do you think? Are they simultaneously? Oh gosh.

Speaker 2: 16:04

Yeah, I think we don't wanna neglect either one, really. Yeah, yeah, I think we all come together ideally.

Speaker 1: 16:10

Okay, but what's the difference between self-care and soul care?

Speaker 2: 16:13

Well, self-care for me is a broad term that basically references all the different ways we care for ourselves. That can be anything from how we use our time to the bubble bath, to you know all these different things right Going to get yourself flowers. Soul care is what I consider to be self-care specifically for the spirit. In other words, you know that essence, that part of you that feels connected to all of it. That kind of thing, right, matters of you. Know it all kind of involves things like intuition, tapping into that, tapping into inner wisdom, becoming. It's also about giving yourself the grace and the compassion that is necessary for us to really be who we're meant to be.

Speaker 1: 17:35

Well, this expression of all those creative longings and interests and yes, exactly. So let's say somebody is struggling with even some basic self-care, like getting to bed on time and exercising every day and staying hydrated and eating whole foods, and where would you start someone to sort of get their feet under them with those basics?

Speaker 2: 18:02

Yeah, I think one great way to get started is to just think in terms of your energy, like just kind of paying attention to it. And by energy I'm not just talking about, you know, your like get up and go, kind of energy. I'm talking more like your frequency band width. So, for example, you know we could consider the frequencies down here to be what a lot of people think of as sort of the more negative, depleting energies, like feeling resigned or frustrated or fearful. So I'll just refer to these in general as fear, right. And then we have the energies up here that range from courage up through engagement, innovation and synchronicity, and I'm just going to call all that love. So we've got fear, energy, love, energy. So how do we, how do we use that? So a great way to start really becoming mindful in a way that impacts your daily life is to start paying attention to as you're doing something.

Speaker 2: 19:16

Where am I coming from right now? Am I coming from the below the line energy, which we're going to loosely call fear, which can also include feeling irritated, feeling bored, feeling ho-hum and meh you know all of those we're just going to call below the line or am I coming from somewhere above the line, you know, am I engaged? Am I having a good time? Am I seeing if other people are having a good time? You know, all the way on up to the level of synchronicity where you know you're basically in love with yourself the moment. What you're doing in the whole world, right? So how does that work in a day-to-day basis? So if I'm getting ready to leave the house to go to a meeting, I can check in with myself and think, okay, are you coming from down here somewhere? Are you coming from up here somewhere? And it's interesting how habitual it can be to be thinking things like oh, you know, make sure you're not late. Like even that, make sure you're not late. Thought is below the line.

Speaker 2: 20:28

Energy as opposed to I'm glad I'm getting ready on time and this is going to be a really fun time to see people. You know it's like when you notice where you are, you have some ability to actually shift what you're focused on and what your actual experience of life is in that moment, because the energy that we're coming from with regard to whatever we're doing, it gets on what we're doing, you know what I mean. Like if you're preparing for a well, my daughter just had a baby shower, a bridal shower, last weekend and I co-hosted it and I was really looking at it like, while we were getting things ready, I was looking at okay, where are you coming from? Are you coming from this is another item on your long to do list which would be down here or are you looking at this as what an opportunity to have this special occasion, just really delight your daughter? Very different places to come from and very different results in terms of decor ideas. Coming from a to do list versus opportunity. I hope that all made sense. That was long.

Speaker 1: 22:01

It does, it does. And I can imagine the scenario where, let's say, you're getting ready to go somewhere, you're a little short on time, you're maybe running late, and the truth is that you might be late and I can imagine that my brain would say, but I don't have time, I'm not getting ready on time. There's a bit of a pinch here and I can imagine shifting that over from oh, I'm going to be late to ah, I'm going to arrive right on time and it's going to be so great to just keep staying, not letting the brain suck me into the fear, the negativity, the catastrophizing, the looking on the worst case scenarios of potentially running a bit late, instead just like, oh, I'll probably arrive at it again, or just assuming I'll arrive at exactly the right time and it's going to be a great event. But sometimes it's hard to kind of prop us up like that, right, you just think kind of-.

Speaker 2: 22:54

Well, sometimes we are just late, you know in which case? I mean God knows that's true of me. Sometimes I'm just late, yeah, so in that case it's a matter of okay. Well, who am I going to be about it? Am I, am I going to be apologetic and chastising myself in my head all the way down the hall in the door which, like I said, gets all over me? You know, that kind of that energy is like feelable, visible by other people. It affects how you come across, versus if you tell yourself as you're, you know, walking the car, walking in five minutes late, whatever, it is just like okay, you know what, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine, no one's going to die, no, kittens have died. You know, the meeting will go on. People will look up and say hey and go on. It's like it's not the end of the world, move on. And this is so empowering because so much the time our suffering comes from what we tell ourselves about what's going on, not what's actually going on.

Speaker 1: 24:18

And so often those are just old, old patterns, sometimes multi-generational.

Speaker 2: 24:23

Absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:25

When people are thinking about okay, I know I need to make lifestyle changes. For us it starts with food. If that's way off and it sucks us into longstanding frustrating behaviors with food, then it starts there and there can be a struggle to think you're worthy of it, that you can do it, that it'll be worth it. So where do people start there?

Speaker 2: 24:53

Well, in the work that I do, there are three what are called core wounds identified One is shame, one is abandonment and one is betrayal With the notion that all of us have one of those. That tends to be kind of the default when we are feeling pressured or threatened or upset. So why I bring this up is that each one of those, I think of them as tender spots. You could poke me here and poke me here, and I'm fine, but if you poke me in shame, I'm going to react to that one, and so the cool thing is there are different kinds of healing you can bring to each one of those, but the one for shame, which is honor, is so powerful that it affects its healing for all of them. So we don't even have to have any idea what our own personal core wound or tender spot is to know that we all have one and that honor is like a healing balm for all of it. It's very powerful.

Speaker 2: 26:15

So, okay, that's one thing to know as a concept, but how does that come into use in your daily life? Well, here's the concept that I have used with lots of people to great effect super impactful, and it sounds simple, but it's big and that is to treat yourself, practice treating yourself as the guest of honor in your own life. So if you think about if you have a guest of honor coming over, whether it's a hot day, or somebody you really admire, a mentor or a good friend, has come a long way to visit you, you go around, you pay a lot of attention to everything, right, like, what do you do for a guest of honor?

Speaker 2: 27:04

Yeah, I fuss over the details absolutely Right right.

Speaker 2: 27:08

Like for me it's going to be the right goat cheese, the white wine, the lighting, the candles. You know, boom, boom, boom. So can you imagine what it's like when we start getting that attentive to our own experience of life, that we actually consciously create our own experience, whether it's regarding your environment? Your home environment is huge. When you start looking at, oh, that fancy pillow I never pull out, that's going on my bed tonight, you know, I'm pulling out the awesome bath sheets, not the cheap ones, the expensive plush, lush ones. I'm using them. And when you start doing that and it sounds like, oh well, the towels, that's going to change my life. Well, guess what? It has a cumulative effect, because what it's about is you actually honoring yourself, you, your body, your health, your well-being, your mood, your desires, all of it. And it's just people transform out of just that.

Speaker 1: 28:38

Incredible. It's so funny. I had a visceral body reaction. At first I was like, oh, no, that's not me, I'm not like Mishishi spa. But then I was like, oh, by the time you ended I was like, right, this isn't about that, it's about. It's about feeling like I'm cherished. And what does what? What's meaningful, cherishing to me? Maybe it's not the plush, this, or maybe it's not the bubble, but maybe it's a walk in nature, it's, I don't know right. What is that makes me feel like I'm worthy of being cherished and that slowly, over time, in the act of cherishing ourselves, honoring ourselves, listening, seeing ourselves and fussing over the details in our lives, that we begin to sort of heal shame and betrayal and abandonment. Wow.

Speaker 2: 29:28

Yeah, it's really powerful and you know, I've seen so many different forms of it. I think it's useful to kind of touch on a couple because it gives people, like you said, a broader sense of what we're talking about. So for some it has to do with setting boundaries in their lives and saying no to things that they really don't want to do. That's a way of honoring yourself, you know. For some people it's, you know, pulling out the paint set and saying, yes, I'm setting this up, yes, on the dining room table and I'm painting today, and that's what's happening, and that's a beautiful way to honor yourself.

Speaker 2: 30:14

You know, nature is huge. Beauty is huge. Beauty is beauty of all kinds. You know, whether it's a museum being out in nature, all of those, you know, for some people it could be. You know, going into a textile store and just seeing all the color and the texture, you know just sort of a sensory. You know it's really good for our brains and our spirits. Beauty is so good, it's healing, and so you know that's worth paying attention to as well.

Speaker 2: 30:54

It's not about what anybody else thinks looks good. Oh, another way to treat yourself as a guest of honor how you put yourself together, that is amazing, Like having some fun with it, like just thinking of yourself as a walking little work of art. You get to be a little bright spot in some people's day walking through the grocery store and it's really enlivening. When women start not just women, anybody when anybody starts doing that, they just they also feel very seen. You feel seen and appreciated and you know you put on something that you just really love and people will say you look so great today. And it's not. It's what they're responding to, is not the article of clothing, they're responding to your whole vibe because you are operating at a high frequency and people feel it. They sense it Totally.

Speaker 1: 32:01

Absolutely. What about for people who are so stressed they can't even imagine trying to squeeze anything more on their plate, let alone some shishish self care? What would you say to that?

Speaker 2: 32:12

Oh, I would say rest is huge, huge, huge. A lot of times, sole care has to do with protecting some space, some quiet, some reflection time, some time to just be. I mean, when we're stressed, when we have too much stress, we basically need to kind of bring it back. We don't want to throw more stimulation on top of that, and so it's time to give your whole nervous system a chance to just kind of, you know, settle down. And here's the really great thing about that is to have that come from love as opposed to. I really don't have time to be doing this right now, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Speaker 2: 33:11

You know, like what we want to be doing is speaking to ourselves like we're the most loving parent in the universe, you know so, for example, to say kind of to yourself oh honey, I know you have been doing some stuff. It is time for you to just. You need to just lie down, you need to curl up here's a soft blanket. You need to just take some time for yourself, Don't worry about anything else for a while. I mean, I almost feel calmer just hearing myself say that. You know, and there is something for us to cultivate in terms of our ability to not just be aware that we speak to ourselves because we do constantly, all the time but to shape how we speak to ourselves. And when we shape consciously shape how we speak to ourselves, it literally alters your experience of life because all of a sudden you have the experience of having an ally with you all the time, versus feeling alone in a world barraging you with judgment and criticism.

Speaker 1: 34:42

Especially that the vicious inner critic that can be a tyrant. So it's sort of like taking control of the self-talk and making sure that even if it feels awkward and you just do it a little bit to begin with that you make a point of speaking as though you're cherished.

Speaker 2: 35:00

Absolutely, yes, absolutely. And look, I totally get how someone would be reluctant to do it. Okay, because I'm one of those. Oh, I'll just do it in my head and it'll be fine. But then I'll tell you what's really powerful is you grab a pillow. If you really want to benefit from this, you grab a pillow. Hang on, I have a pillow I keep right here just for this purpose.

Speaker 2: 35:34

You can grab a pillow and look down in the little face and imagine you're speaking to a little one, right, in your case, a little girl, and it's you, and you can just, essentially, you can think about however you like. Some people like to think of it as they're channeling the divine feminine. Some people just think who I'm being is love. It doesn't really matter how you think of it, as much as it matters that you're consciously bringing love to the interaction. And I'll tell you what when you say it out loud and you are holding this, there's something about the somatic experience that's very powerful and some people have really beautiful emotional response to it. It can be incredibly soothing and uplifting at the same time.

Speaker 1: 36:49

And I know for many of us 30 seconds might be more than we can handle. So just do it until you feel like, okay, I can't do this anymore, and then maybe next time you'll get 45 seconds and then maybe one day it'll feel like the most natural thing in the world to just be in that love zone with yourself.

Speaker 1: 37:08

So, speaking of self love, it's a pretty elusive concept and there's a lot of us, especially people who are on the addiction spectrum that felt mostly self-hate. They don't even really know what self-love is. It seems like an airy fairy idea. What would you say? How can we make self-love practical and bite size? For people who are just trying to come out of a relationship with an inner critic? That's a vicious.

Speaker 2: 37:38

I would say the biggest thing is to start to get curious about what you do say to yourself. And I say curious I'm not talking about going in to see if your thoughts are good thoughts or bad thoughts. That just becomes another form of criticizing ourselves and judging ourselves. I'm talking about getting curious, befriending yourself. You know how, when you have a new friend and you think, wow, she's pretty cool, I think I would really like to talk more, I want to find out more about her Because I have a feeling that she's kind of cool.

Speaker 2: 38:24

So you want to get curious about yourself in that way, because we're so often in a mode of there's something over here to fix or adjust or make better or improve, versus how about I just get really interested in who I am? You know, like who is this person? Forget about adjusting, tweaking, fixing, like who is she, and just kind of get really curious about what is it that you really love, what is it that you like, what do you not want in your life? And I think the practice of starting to notice that and if somebody's up for it, I'll tell you, journaling, even five minutes, five to 10 minutes a day even will make a difference just in terms of what you're noticing, about not what there is to fix or anything like that, but what it is that's inspiring you. What are you interested in? What do you think you want to know more about? What might you like to try Things?

Speaker 1: 39:46

more like that, more tapping into the curiosity.

Speaker 2: 39:50

Curiosity and desires.

Speaker 1: 39:53

Desires. So the positive things Isn't that interesting and ooh, that's kind of lighting me up a little bit over there. So you focus on the positive. Yes, right, because when I think journaling, I think, oh, that's where you go and you dump all the pain and frustrations of the day, which is probably a perfectly wonderful use of a journal. But this is another alternative option. Yes, exactly, got it, got it. Well said. What has been the most impactful tool for you to put that kind of loving self-talk, that self-love energy, the self-care into practice? Is there anything more you want to say there?

Speaker 2: 40:44

I think the most impactful thing for me has been paying attention to the conditions in which I best thrive. So, you know, different flowers bloom under different conditions, different amount of sun, different amount of wind and all this kind of stuff. Well, I think we're kind of like that too, and so just noticing you know how much stimulation versus quiet is does this person thrive in. You know what kind of environments do I thrive in, what kind of people do I thrive around the best? I think you know, kind of being the gardener of your life, so to speak, and paying attention to what has you grow and thrive and do more of that is a really impactful way to kind of, across the board you know, nurture wellness in your being and your life.

Speaker 1: 41:56

Which is so essential after we break up with sugar, because it's one thing to get sugar-free and it's a whole other kettle of fish to stay sugar-free but to thrive sugar-free. This is the work we need to do. It's a guarantee that you'll go back to sugar if you don't do this next level of work that you up level your capacity, your self-talk, your capacity for self-love, your capacity to make time to journal on the things that light you up and get you curious about what's working in my life and where can I up level it and what can I do better and where do I feel like I'm the most calm or present or happy? And to just do that, you know I love, I love, love, love. This is a quote that comes out of the exercise sort of fitness world and I've tweaked it a tiny bit, but it's don't get upset about the results you didn't get for the work you didn't do.

Speaker 1: 42:57

You know like people get really frustrated, yes, that they haven't lost weight or something isn't going their way. And then you have to ask yourself well, have I actually been making time to do, to do something different, to do something better? Yeah, and if you're not, you're probably not gonna get the results you're looking for and you'll be all frustrated. But it can be, it can be simple.

Speaker 2: 43:22

Well, if you're honoring yourself, then it becomes easier to find that time. You see what I mean, because it shifts it from something I should do to oh, this is one form of love. This is a gift I'm giving myself. You know, this isn't a chore, this is a treat. Yes, that can make such a difference for people.

Speaker 1: 43:54

Because there's no willpower required to do what we wanna do. The trick is to figure out how to want to do the self care, to do the timeouts right and framing it in a way of there's another quota, like that, if you think you don't have time for self-care, you don't have time because you're not doing self-care Right. That whole irony of we think we're too busy Florence, I've got two kids, I've got a full-time job, my husband's got cancer you just think and you think right, where does a woman fit in five minutes for herself in that scenario? But the truth is you don't have five minutes to yourself because you're not taking five minutes for yourself which will allow you to have perspectives and downloads and capacities to draw boundaries and say no. But when we're just spinning around, it's like if you want something done, ask someone who's busy. They'll find a way to squeeze it on their schedule, right, because they've just learned to drive and do until they crash.

Speaker 2: 44:52

That's right until they crash. Exactly, yeah, we don't want people crashing no.

Speaker 1: 45:00

No need to crash. No need to crash. Oh, it was something you were seeing about most impactful. Oh gosh, refresh my memory. And what you said was the most impactful.

Speaker 2: 45:12

Oh, where I started paying attention to my own growth conditions, my own thriving conditions. Right right Gardening. Right right yeah.

Speaker 2: 45:23

Yeah, thinking of myself as a little flower and what are the best conditions for me to thrive? Right, and it had me change some things. I mean, it's what had me say to my husband I really think we need to move from downtown Chicago, high rise, to someplace where there's trees and birds and nature, and it would be great to be closer to family. And so that was not a logical decision in terms of how. It had nothing to do with jobs or anything. It was strictly given by a recognition of the fact that, as an every evolving person, as we all are, I am now in a place in my life where I just need to be under trees a lot, I need to hear birds a lot. That's what my little heart desires and, you know, fortunately my husband is the kind of man who can hear that and give it the same amount of weight. As if I'd said you know, my job just transferred me, which is awesome.

Speaker 1: 46:41

Amazing. Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 46:43

Well, when we?

Speaker 1: 46:44

honor ourselves. We find people who honor us, Otherwise they just don't last, they fall apart.

Speaker 2: 46:48

That's a whole nother interview, right there. That's a whole book right there, florence.

Speaker 1: 46:53

Yeah, yeah it is yeah, people at the same vibration find each other right. And if you're in fear, you're going to feel comfortable with people who are predominantly in fear zone. And when you up level, all of a sudden those people who are not up leveling with you. There's a disconnect and they just. It's painful, but things fall away, don't they?

Speaker 2: 47:12

Well, they do, and you know we can either look at that as a problem or a catastrophe or a tragedy, or we can just see oh, that's kind of the natural order of things. You know, leaves fall away from the trees. Nobody's crying about that, it's just part of the passage of time. You know what I'm saying and I think the same is true of you. Know, without being cavalier about it at all, I think that's true of some relationships is that you know they have their season and you know we grow from all of them in different ways, and sometimes the season ends and you know, and that's the way it's meant to be.

Speaker 1: 47:57

Yeah, and there's a little empty seat on the bus, maybe for a while, and then the door's open and, all of a sudden, this wonderful new person that needed a spot in your life. You know there's a spot there. It's pretty cool. Going back to the idea of gardening, there are weeds that will literally choke out the flowers, the beautiful, maybe foods that you're growing, the fruit trees and the vegetables that you're growing in your garden, right, and so getting those weeds out so that you can optimize the growth of the things that you know nourish you and are what you're wanting to grow in your life is essential. And pulling junk food out of your meal plan is literally like pulling out the most invasive deadly weed on the planet toxic weed, right, like it's such an obvious place for people to start. If that's a problem for you, right, and so think about it that way. I'm just pulling these weeds out like how to get right up by the root, and then that space for the things that you want to grow in your life, to grow.

Speaker 2: 49:05

That's so perfect. I love that. Yeah, I mean, the weeds are like little possibility slayers, you know, and you're pulling them out, and I'll tell you. Another thing I love about that is that it doesn't make me a bad person because a weed popped up in my garden. It just means a weed popped up and so let's pull it out. I don't have to stand there and think about what a crummy human being I am. You know what I mean. It's like oh, there's a weed, let's pull it out. So I'm sure you can relate that eloquently to. You know a struggle with sugar, right?

Speaker 1: 49:44

Mm, hmm, totally. There's nothing shameful about having a sugar addiction at all Not at all. It is just the way our brains are wired. It's the way that our brains and the substance dance and it has brought us pleasures and numbing in all the right times and ways until all of a sudden, something awakens and we're like that's, that's an invasive weed, it was pretty, it had purple flowers on it, like I thought it was good, and now I realize, no, you're choking out all the things that value most in life my health, my mental health, my energy, my self confidence, my self respect you. You are now going to have to get out of my garden, and this is a mask because you've grown everywhere and your roots are deep. But this is not. This is just time and energy and commitment and consistency, and my garden will be clear of you. Yeah, yeah. And then we get to decide what seeds are we going to plant? What's going to grow in my garden?

Speaker 2: 50:39

Yes, oh my God, let's ride this metaphor for ever. I love it, yeah, no, seriously, this is great. I mean it's. It's so apropos because you know it also.

Speaker 2: 50:53

It also relates to the fact that this is all just a natural process, by which I mean, you know, as evolving human beings, we learn things, we change things, we try something else out. It doesn't mean our life is flawed or problematic, it just means this is what it looks like to be living, you know, living and growing Totally absolutely, and the water, the rain and the sunshine.

Speaker 1: 51:23

You know what is that? Is that support groups? Is it? Is it working with Debbie to get your moxie back online so that life force energy is high and you just always?

Speaker 2: 51:32

a good idea, florence, always a good idea.

Speaker 1: 51:35

Yes, if you're looking to max your moxie, you deems your woman because that life force, energy as it rises is very irritated by things that are dragging it down like stop, sugar dragon Stop. I'm not the least bit interested in that stupid pop tart or whatever the heck right. I know that we've got no time for that. No time for that.

Speaker 2: 51:57

Onwards. No, we got to do, yeah, yeah, we got life to live. That's right, that's right, awesome.

Speaker 1: 52:08

Is there any fun on words you would like to share today before we wrap up?

Speaker 2: 52:14

Oh gosh, I mean yes. So the thing I'd like to say to wrap up is is that something that makes a huge difference is to not go it alone. Whatever it is that somebody's dealing with, you know, get some kind of support someplace, whether it's a good friend or you know, professional support definitely. But then you know there's community, and as somebody who, at different times in life, has not had a lot of community, I definitely have come to learn that it is. It's huge, and so I encourage people to seek out some like minded folks.

Speaker 1: 52:58

Wonderful. Thank you so much. Thank you for this wonderful interview and thank you for being a woman that can catch us as we just start unblooming right To catch us and collect us and connect us and just keep us moving along on our little up leveling life.

Speaker 2: 53:13

Absolutely. I love that.

Speaker 1: 53:16

Thanks everybody for tuning in today. Thank you, thanks for tuning in this week. If you would like more interviews, more information and more inspiration on how to break up with sugar, go to my YouTube channel Kicksugar Coach or my website KicksugarCoachcom. See you next week.